Try Again: Resilience Amidst Turbulence

As 2019 wound down, I had my GRE scores in hand and an application submitted to NYU for a master’s in human resources. The prospects for 2020 seemed promising. I set my sights on getting into NYU and wrapping up my studies by May 2022. The blueprint was simple, the goal achievable—nothing colossal enough to engulf me entirely.

Frankly, I was content with where I stood in life, unfazed by the absence of an all-consuming ambition.

I tossed my hat into the ring for a couple of awards and looked ahead to a splendid year alongside my boyfriend, Nicholas. Come February 2020, we embarked on a birthday getaway to Costa Rica—a bewitching extended weekend. We returned to the biting cold of a New York winter, clutching onto memories of balmy hot springs and the infectious cheer of the locals.

But the rosy optimism I nursed at the year's outset swiftly evaporated with the grim revelation of a new viral menace, COVID-19, likened in its lethality to the Ebola virus was quickly spreading in China and Italy. Its reach hadn’t yet extended across the United States.

In a move reminiscent of many 29-year-olds, we scoured the internet, spotting bargain flights to Florida. Thursday night saw us impulsively booking a getaway for the two of us at less than a hundred bucks, seeking refuge from New York’s wintry grasp.

 Mid-dance in Florida that Sunday, the mayor of Miami dropped the bombshell—the imminent closure of the beach. Nick and I dashed out of our hotel, recklessly indulging in one final hurrah on the streets of South Beach. I still hold onto a photo of myself clutching the newspaper marking the commencement of the lockdown.

 Admittedly, it wasn’t our shrewdest move; we could've been stranded in Florida amidst the lockdown chaos. Our Monday morning flight safely whisked us back to New York, thrusting us headlong into the era of lockdowns. Those days were trying—I grappled with fear, not just for myself but for my then-boyfriend Nicholas and my family back in Nigeria, potentially deprived of adequate healthcare.

 Having witnessed the devastating impact of various viruses on the continent, from HIV to Ebola, and now grappling with COVID-19, alongside other maladies like Tuberculosis and Malaria, my worries mounted. Yet, physically powerless, all I could do was hope and pray for their well-being.

 Soon after learning of my NYU admission, Nicholas embarked on his application to a Community college, chasing his lifelong dream of attaining a college degree. Despite the gloom shrouding us—the pandemic death toll escalating by the hour, the inability to be near our elder family members—we clung to optimism. Hope, prayers, and the unshakeable bond forged while navigating this once-in-a-lifetime crisis sustained us.

* 

With summer on the horizon, a glimmer of hope surfaced—that perhaps the heat would quell the virus spread, or at the very least, afford us the chance to stroll outdoors, masked and distanced. But that hope was dashed by the gut-wrenching news from Minneapolis—George Floyd's unjust death at the hands of the police.

This set the stage for a summer of protest. #BlackLivesMatter echoed incessantly on every screen, every platform. Faced with a choice, amid a pandemic claiming millions worldwide, I chose to stake my life in protest—because, as a black man in America, my life should matter too! 

Edafe Okporo at a protest to protect LGBTQ ASYLUM seekers during Covid-19

I took to the streets, spotlighting the significance of our intersectionality. Immigrants, once they set foot in the United States, become part of the fabric of society. Yet, their skin dictates their ethnic grouping, without negating the struggles of native-born minorities. Being brown doesn’t shield one from persecution as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. This intersectionality formed the crux of my voice, a fortunate opportunity to articulate my unique struggles during the protest.

I sensed the pressing need for this conversation, foreseeing an agent's interest in a book where I lay bare these issues, interwoven with stories from my life. And so, "ASYLUM: A Memoir and Manifesto," found its home in the world through Simon and Schuster.

*

We cannot gaze into our future. If bestowed with the power to do so, life might lose its flavor. I can reflect on 2020, but I cannot relive it. Therefore, as we contemplate a new year, we merely anticipate what lies ahead. The unknown is what renders life fascinating, as we grapple with our incapacity to plan for it.

For me, the primary lesson isn’t rooted in certainty, but in the prospect of a fresh start—a chance to embrace the opportunity to begin anew, to try again.

A Refugee's Path to U.S. Citizenship

If I had told myself that this would be my story without living through it, I wouldn't have believed it. We all worry too much about the future, wanting to ensure that we understand what lies ahead and what our life's outcome will look like. Here is a story of someone with great expectations but was met with even greater surprises that exceeded his expectations and predictions for his own future.

I took a leap of faith, embarking on a journey to leave the familiar place of my home country, Nigeria, for the unknown United States. At the port of entry, I was arrested, and I thought my dream of a life in America had come to an end. I was informed that I would be returned to Nigeria, the very place I had fled due to persecution. While I could have chosen to return and face the potential consequences of my courage, I knew it wasn't a safe or wise decision. I had no other option but to persevere. Standing at the airport, facing a moment of doubt on my stressed feet, I made the decision to stay and fight for the opportunity to live the American dream.

That is why you are now reading a story I am writing; it was born out of resilience and determination. On November 8th, 2023, I was sworn in as a United States citizen, having written my story of seeking safety here. I knew it would be too simplistic to just announce my citizenship without sharing some of the in-between.

*

Let me retell the story you may think you know about me. On October 26th, 2016, I purchased a one-way plane ticket to travel to the United States, not knowing it might be the last time I returned to my homeland, Nigeria.

As I sat on the plane traveling from Abuja, there was a sigh of relief knowing where I was headed, to the United States of America, the land of the brave and the home of the free. Yet, I couldn't shake the anxiety about what my life's outcome would be, not just moving to a new country, but starting an entirely new life.

Upon arriving at JFK, I felt a sense of accomplishment. I had made it to America, a place where I could live free from persecution. Little did I know that seeking protection at the border would lead to being handcuffed, hands and feet, and transported to a detention center in New Jersey, where I would call my first home in America for five months and fourteen days, all while still seeking safety.

 A few days before the 2016 presidential election between Hillary Clinton and the newly elected President Trump, I didn't know much about Mr. Trump at the time. But people at the detention center were afraid because he had led chants at his political campaigns, calling for a wall to keep immigrants out. None of us could have foreseen that this was a sign of the anti-immigrant sentiments that would come to define the current climate. 

*

As I grapple with the complexities of our ever-changing world, one thing remains abundantly clear: the pressing need for compassion, accountability, and a complete reimagining of our approach to refugee protection. In an era when millions of people are forced to flee their homes, the urgency to address the root causes of migration and provide sustainable solutions has never been more evident.

In 2019, the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) reported a staggering 79.5 million individuals forcibly displaced worldwide, including refugees, internally displaced persons (IDPs), and asylum-seekers. Fast forward to 2023, and that number has grown even larger, fueled by conflicts, global crises, and the looming threat of climate change. Human displacement is on the rise, and it's clear that traditional support systems are no longer adequate.

I am Edafe Okporo, a refugee activist who has recently become a citizen of the United States. My journey to citizenship required personal advocacy and a forceful reimagining of protection systems, not just for myself but also for my community.

My story is not unique. Like many who have experienced the hardships of forced displacement, I didn't want to leave my home. None of us do. Yet, we are compelled to flee, leaving behind our childhood homes, communities, and lives. My heart-wrenching separation is a narrative mirrored countless time across the globe. For me and countless others, the quest for safety often leads to distant shores, places that offer refuge yet make us feel like we don't quite belong.

Consider the plight of 69 gay Nigerians recently arrested on suspicion of organizing a same-sex wedding. Their ordeal epitomizes the cruel paradox of seeking safety. How can safety equate to leaving behind the familiar and embracing a foreign refuge? It's here that the stark realities of our broken humanitarian landscape become painfully apparent.

The existing charity-based model, though well-intentioned, often feels like a band-aid on a gaping wound. Billionaires may contribute a few thousand dollars, hoping it can absolve their consciences, but it's simply not enough. The world is in dire need of a more substantial, forward-thinking solution that combines global perspectives with localized implementations.

 *

In the eloquent words of Jonathan Larsson, "The opposite of war isn't peace; it's creation." We must embark on a new path, one that respects the humanity and dignity of those who are forcibly displaced. This implies a complete reevaluation of our protection systems, viewing them not as mere acts of charity but as a fundamental necessity for addressing the root causes of migration.

We must confront the undeniable fact that our humanitarian system is fractured, and we must actively strive to mend it. My journey toward U.S. citizenship stands as a testament to the indomitable spirit and resilience of those who seek refuge. It serves as a resounding call to action, urging us to craft a more compassionate, accountable, and sustainable approach to help them rebuild their lives.

It's time to unveil a new path—one that guides us toward safety, dignity, and a brighter, more inclusive future for all while also taking stock and ensuring accountability for the root causes of migration.

In 2023, there will be over 100 million people displaced due to war, global crises, and, most recently, climate change. More people will be forced to flee their homes, and we cannot continue to provide support alone. We need to develop a system of checks and balances to reduce the burden on countries receiving refugees and create a sustainable solution for people to live in their homes.

We are stuck in a never-ending cycle of displacement, and the solution lies not only where we came from or where we are traveling to but in a combination of both and more.

The 1951 Convention primarily focused on refugees in Europe and those displaced by World War II and its aftermath. It did not provide the same level of protection for refugees from other parts of the world.

 *

We need a new form of protection, but the world order is now fragmented. We lack a singular voice of reason, as the U.S., China, and Russia disagree, and Britain has separated from the European Union. We do not have a singular voice that can bring these countries to the table to discuss ways to protect and uphold the dignity of human lives.

We have a choice: to continue supporting the few 120,000 we choose to protect, leaving behind the rest of the 100 million to suffer, or to protect everyone. Obviously, no country can take in 100 million refugees, so we must address the root causes and prevent people from having to choose between the mouth of the shark at home and the cheetah's speed in the wild.

I continue to work for change in the United States and around the world, striving for a better future for refugees and other minority communities. To learn more and participate in the conversation, please visit www.refugeamerica.org.

Providing Support to Displaced LGBTQIA+ People

After months of being away, I though it might be helpful to explain my process to you. It might have seemed effortless to sit at my computer and write something clever or make sense of the world, the truth is, it hasn't been easy. But my unwavering passion has kept me going all this time.

Since I moved to the United States, my life has undergone a remarkable transformation, empowering me to serve and impact the lives of many others.

"I've always believed that in America, we shouldn't judge people based on their circumstances when they arrived, but rather on the potential they can achieve through their experiences here.

During the spring of 2023, I began to notice how emotionally depleted I had become due to the demanding work of educating and helping others. Yet, I press on because there is something incredibly beautiful when your courage and actions can inspire and benefit others. Being a guiding light to people you may never meet or know personally is immensely rewarding.

Many have thanked me for my courage and for standing up for my community, but I want to express my gratitude to all of you who support me through difficult moments. Your encouragement enables me to give my all with abundance.

In the past few days, as I celebrated my first wedding anniversary and birthday, I came to realize the profound impact of staying true to oneself and the significance it holds for others. Your kind words and support mean the world to me, and I genuinely feel loved and uplifted by each one of you!

Though I've been away, the work continues. To learn more about what I am currently engaged in, please visit www.refugeamerica.org."

The last book event for Asylum.

Tattered Cover is thrilled to welcome Edafe Okporo to our Colfax location on August 3rd at 6:00pm! He will be presenting his book, Asylum: A Memoir & Manifesto! This event is free to the public and no ticket is required for entry. 

The Systemic Inequities in U.S. Refugee and Border Policy: A Call to Action

Recently, I had the privilege of speaking at Cornell University about the systemic inequities in U.S. refugee and border policy. 

I stood in front of the students at Cornell University, ready to share my story. My journey to this podium began in Nigeria. I had always dreamed of attaining a college degree, getting married, having a job, and raising children. But when I discovered my sexual orientation as a gay person, I knew that my dreams were in jeopardy. After a few years of trying to hide my sexual orientation, I discovered my dreams for the future were no longer what I thought it would be at fifteen. 

After a few years of living authentically as a gay person, Nigeria passed a law that criminalized same-sex relationships, and I became a victim of consistent violence due to my sexual orientation. I had to make the hard decision to flee in search of safety.

I imagined the United States to be a more welcoming place, a place where I could seek refuge and start a new life. But upon arrival, I was handcuffed at the airport, shackles were placed on my feet, and I was driven to a detention center. Instead of safety, I was met with hostility. And as I spent five months and 14 days locked up in a cell, I saw firsthand the systemic issues within the immigration system.

Before arriving in the United States, the only story I heard was that America was a welcoming country. But the reality was far from it. Many refugees, asylum seekers, and displaced people have no other option but to migrate due to persecution, war, famine, and strife. 

Over the years the U.S. has seen shifts in public perception changed but the laws do not reflect this shift. According to the Pew Research Center, 63 percent of Americans were against immigrants relocating to America in the 1990s. Thirty years later, 66 percent of Americans see immigrants as a strong contribution to society. While American views have changed over time, people still question why undocumented immigrants are allowed to live in the United States and why money is spent on immigration.

But here’s the thing: immigrants are not the problem. The problem lies in the system that allows them to fall through the cracks of society. When I was released from the detention center, I was left to figure out how to live in the United States on my own. I had no housing, no legal aid, no form of support. And this is the reality for many immigrants who are left to fend for themselves in a new and unfamiliar country.

So, what can we do to fix this broken system? First and foremost, we need to abolish detention centers. These centers strip immigrants of their humanity, and they serve no purpose in a just and compassionate society. Instead, we need to focus on granting immigrants the chance to assimilate into American society by learning English, so they do not fall down before they are given a chance to climb up. The integration process of people into the United States needs to be reviewed, and policies need to promote diversity and inclusion.

But above all, we need to remember that immigrants are human beings. They are mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends, and neighbors. They are dreamers, thinkers, artists, and innovators. And when we welcome them into our society, we enrich our communities and our country as a whole.

As I finished my speech, I looked out at the audience. Some faces were solemn, others were thoughtful, and a few were smiling. But all of them were listening, and that was all that mattered. Because when we listen to each other’s stories, we open our minds to new perspectives, and we begin to see the world in a different light. And maybe, just maybe, we can start to build a more just and welcoming society, one story at a time.

The Brevity of Modern art

The War with my art is not the act of creating it or performing it, but the mere notion that I will abandon the circus the world provides to face it alone in servitude.

The world rewards you for creating and the reward prevents you from going back to the source of your creativity. A time when all the prestige where nowhere to be found, a time where you did it for the sake of creating something someone would read or find entertaining, to trying to fulfill what the market says, creating for an algorithm being social media or financial returns.

I love to make art, writing has saved my life, and writing has given me the opportunity to be seen, but I hate to make my art for the purpose of commercialization. It pains me that the main struggle I have with my creativity is not if I am able to create or not, but why am I creating a work that is not to liberate or shine a light but to extort.

It’s a struggle to understand the reasoning behind packaging your life experience for $25.00 on Amazon and other fine retailers and limiting yourself to that narrative of you. To go on the road and be a salesman for cooperation with your life experience, consistently trying people to buy your art rather than change their behaviors.

For brevity’s sake, when your art and creativity focus on the commercial value it brings, you begin to question if it’s even art in the first place.  

Steven Davies from Cornell University's book titled “The Definition of Art” explained’ It is to be understood “There is no generally agreed definition of what constitutes art” but according to dictionary.cambridge.org “Art is the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.”

I do not intend to dissuade you from producing commercial art, but should everyone's creativity be judged by the success of a few who choose to pursue a singular path in the vast field of art? Why does it become a validating tool for the creation of art, and what will the finished product be worth?

No, denying that visual art such as paintings and large print photographs are valued by what the buyer is willing to pay for, or the perceived value of the artist who produces the art. Publishing and the movie industry have gatekeepers, agents, and producers who decide what is valuable in the market.

Many parents diligently kill their children’s creativity for fear of them growing up in a cutthroat and abusive industry. We see many artists die by suicide and a growing mental health crisis, forgetting a major contributor to this struggle is the pressure to create commercial art. The second work must be better than the first, we demand genius from every creative expression, and fans of Game of Thrones were unsatisfied with the ending and wrote a petition.

Artist facing these pressures tend to abuse drugs and alcohol, and the pressure to keep up the life they have established to create security for their family from the preying eyes of their audience sometimes lead to domestic abuse, and divorce, among many other menaces they fall into.  

We fault the artist for creating something that sparks our imagination, we crucify them for entertaining us, we criticize them for challenging stereotypes and the status quo, and we make life miserable for them because we love the art they created.

Imagine doing something nice for someone and being rewarded with hate, and anger and dismiss forever for making a mistake everybody makes just because they choose to share their creativity with you. We immortalize artists and make it almost impossible for them to live normal lives.

It’s an inert feeling of otherness, we want to show our dissonance and resolve, we paid for their art so we can have a say in their lives.

There is a counterargument that the commercialization of art and widespread distribution of art makes it accessible and creates exposure for the marginalized artist. I do not disagree with this sentiment but at what cost to the marginalized artist when there is a lack of transparency and tokenization of the art, they produce using their work to further someone else agenda?

In the grand scheme of things, commercialization upholds a certain type of power, it helps to further marginalize those who don’t fit into the framework.

My Firsthand Account of Navigating North America's Borders and the Urgent Need for Reimagining Borders

A Personal Journey Through North America's Border: The idea of borders between two countries is a construct to distinguish the social, cultural, and economic boundaries between two or multiple countries. Unfortunately, this construct has been used to fuel harsh border policies and the narrative that people are trying to take advantage of our resources most especially the U.S.A.

The proposed legislation by the Biden administration, which was open for comments till Monday March 27th, 2021, aims to deter asylum seekers from coming to the US by creating obstacles for them to gain access to the asylum system. This approach is inhumane and ignores the fact that many asylum seekers have fled their home countries due to persecution and violence.

My own experiences traveling through the North American triangle have shown me that the US border system needs complete dismantling and rethinking. The current system is flawed and perpetuates a narrative of us versus them, rather than recognizing the humanity and dignity of those seeking asylum.

As a refugee in the United States, I have been thinking a lot about the construct of borders and the harsh realities of border policing. I want to reflect on my personal experiences traveling between the three borders of North America in 2018 under Republican President Donald Trump and in 2023 under Democratic President Joe Biden. What has changed and what hasn’t?

In 2018, I left the United States for Canada without a green card, so I had to apply for a Canadian visa. When I arrived at the border in Toronto, I was welcomed with no hassle. But on my return to the U.S. with a passport issued by the United States, I was detained in Toronto airport because I had to pass U.S. border patrol there. I did manage to enter the U.S., but I was detained for a while, and it left a mark on me.

In November 2018, I traveled to Mexico with my Canadian visa, and it was a smooth entry with a U.S.-issued travel document. But on my return to JFK airport, I was detained for three hours. All I did was leave the U.S. with a document issued by the U.S. government, and my return was a punishment for doing so.

I thought maybe things would change when I got my green card. In 2023, I decided to take a North American trip again, this time without needing a visa to any of the countries. Leaving the U.S. in February for Mexico, there was no hassle, but on my return, I was detained at Newark, but it was for a less amount of time, maybe 15 minutes.

My second leg of the trip was to Toronto, Canada. This time, I got my first roadblock before I even left the U.S. My travel document issued by the U.S. was not machine-readable by the state, the same one I used in traveling to Mexico with an entrance stamp by a U.S. border agent in Newark. After a few checks and balances, I was allowed to board the plane. When I arrived in Toronto, I was shocked to not encounter a single border patrol agent from the time I deplaned to when I received my bag.

On my return from Toronto, the U.S. immigration agents detained me for 45 minutes, even though the Canadian border had welcomed me without any restrictions. This speaks volumes about our border structure. What has changed in the five years under two presidents from two different parties? Nothing has changed. The U.S. immigration and border patrol agents still heavily police our borders. But on the Canadian border, everything has changed. The lack of physical bodies to obstruct and manhandle people shows their sensibility to changing the way people access borders. On the flip side, one thing remains constant. Mexico is still heavily influenced by the power dynamics of the U.S. and Canadian governments.

The policing of the U.S. border has left a scar on me. It continues to further the narrative that we have something that others want so badly that we must harass even those who have gone through the legal ways of accessing our borders. The reason why I share this story is to remind you and others that electing a democratic government does not mean everything has changed. It’s a false dichotomy and a lie we are uniquely comfortable telling ourselves. The United States needs to dismantle our current border system to allow for a rethinking of how we welcome people to our borders, especially those who have earned the right to do so.

Subscribe to the Newsletter here, I would keep you updated on new iterations of things as they happen. Speaking inquiries, I am being represented by Harry Walker and Literary agent Daniel Lanzar from Writers House.

TIME HAPPENS TO US ALL

We are all acutely aware of the passage of time. It is evident in the aging of our bodies, the growth of our children, and the changes that we see in the world around us i.e., climate change. But while time is a universal experience, how we each perceive and experience it is highly subjective. Some people see time as a cruel thief, stealing away their youth, their vitality, and their future. Others see it as a gift, offering them opportunities for growth, self-discovery, and meaningful connection.

“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”

— Henry Van Dyke

Each one of us possesses the greatest tool ever known to man in equal amounts. Time is not meant to be spent alone; time should also be invested. Managing your time portfolio should take the same energy required in managing your investment and career portfolio.

In the last five decades, it may seem like a lot has changed, but these changes won’t have been possible without the time invested by people who envisioned the current world as it is! They were visionaries and invested time in the possibility of the future and were not only satisfied with the situations they inhabited 50 years ago.

Making a case for why time investment is required for us to actualize the future we want.

In 1990 when I was born, my parents did not choose my identity or sexual orientation as a gay man. If allowed to do so, my parents might have to opt not to continue with the child because I was gay. It may seem like a dark image of the past, but this was the reality of the times and even now in most parts of the world.

In today's reality ask my parents to rewrite their experience. I do not believe they would opt to terminate my pregnancy, because I have grown up to be a model child. In my lifetime, I have seen the times change from LGBTQ people being rejected, and unwanted to welcoming and loved by their families.

What changed? Time happens to us all.

If allowed to relive our past or include our past to improve our future, I believe many of us will choose the latter rather than the former. Making a case for proper investment of time now for the future we seek rather than being paralyzed in the present by the chaos and unchartered narrative of the past we lived.

As an activist, I consider myself a futurist, I imagined a future that was possible for me, and many others like me. Creating a society that is welcoming to people who do not fit into the narrative that society has created for them. I am a black, gay man from West Africa who wouldn’t have been considered a member of the society I currently live (the United States.), and in many parts of the world.

People ask me; do you believe your home country Nigeria will change their perception towards LGBTQ people? I do not know the answer, but I believe there will be a change that is why I continually advocate for a change because I believe it’s possible.

In my short-lived experience, I have seen my mother move from loving me for who I am to accepting who I am and now advocating for people to respect who I profess to be.

My mother and I might be considered a single story particularly because of the bravery required to share my experience with my mother not shaken by the possibility of her turning on me forever.

I shared a picture of my mum and me, in Accra last summer. I could make a case of what is possible, and hope it helps people living in hiding and fear see this as a possibility for themselves. The unspoken narrative beneath this beautiful picture of love and acceptance is the work I put into making it work.

For time happens to all, I will choose to do the hard work now for the possibility of an unimaginable future than stick with an unpleasant present. I wouldn’t live life as a motion, let it happen to me, and there is nothing I can do about it. I wouldn’t choose to fall off the earth because I believe the weight of the future is upon me, and nothing can be done.

The question I asked myself is what is worth investing my time in to achieve the reward of a time well spent. Maybe this might help you find out how to invest your time as well.

EVOLVING PERSPECTIVES: A.I. Algorithm, Chat GPT, and Bard

Let me tell you a story about how I evolved from a perspective I was dead set was the right way to do it and the only way it can be done. What I learned from it and why I am focusing on the question I asked, information received rather than the assumption I make of the situation.

I’m a hero in the United States for fighting for the rights of LGBTQ people but a villain in my home country for doing the same thing.

Imagine how humans from two different cultures view the same thing. According to the online Dictionary the word Evolve comes from the Latin word evolvere, "to unroll" — the perfect image to keep in mind when thinking of this verb. When something is unrolling or unraveling, it is doing so gradually, not all at once. Evolve describes a development that is taking its time to reach its final destination. Think change with a speed limit.

We're amid a major cultural shift, and at the center of this calamitic change is Artificial intelligence A.I. You might have heard of ChatGPT the machine learning language model, and Bard, her rival from google. This has created fear on the internet, misinformation, and the narrative of A.I. displacing us all soon. Here we go again!

Many people say they want to change, and we say our politicians need to change, but we fear change when it appears to threaten us and most especially our livelihood “Our way of doing things.” Invariably we want some things to remain constant i.e., our job, our relationships, and other personal life changes expect when we voluntarily leave them.

Change can be good or bad depending on when, where or who it happened to!

In the good old days, even before I was born, the office typewriter was replaced by a computer. The person who types for the office on a typewriter could be displaced from his or her work, a source of their living erased. Which has financial and economic sentiment tied to it, but my argument is that the person would not have been displaced, if they had to upskill from typing on a typewriter to type on a computer, the key words here are learning and upskilling.

The person who lost their job was not the typewriter manufacturer either, because they can join a new manufacturer producing a computer. There is a case for the ease a computer provides, less paper consumption, and room to make more mistakes because the computer has an ever-green space to type, store, retrieve, and rewrite.

So, therefore the argument of A.I. Chat GPT replacing humans. In my opinion, I believe it’s impossible for a machine to replace humans because the machine needs human intelligence to improve its model. Just like a pencil for artists and a typewriter for writers were valuable in the past, A.I. has become a tool in the present for recommending what music we listen to and what videos to see on social media such as YouTube.

Humans must gain more experience for the model to have things to use. For example, ChatGPT cannot book a flight to India, land on the ground, and have a conversation with someone in the market on the new style of hats for cowboys being developed by India for the future of American cowboys. You have to say to it write or paint in a personal style, it’s not inventing the style.

Evolving perspectives refer to the changes and shifts in the way people view and understand a particular issue, concept, or phenomenon over time. It highlights the idea that perspectives are not fixed and can change as new information, experiences, and understanding are gained. In essence, evolving perspectives reflect the growth and development of an individual's or a society's beliefs, values, and attitudes.

When I was younger people traveled outside of Nigeria and couldn’t return for their parent funeral, I called them wayward for doing so. In 2021, I was looking at that same person in the mirror. “Shifting perspective.” I lost my father in 2021 and I couldn’t return home to see him.

Evolving perspectives refer to the changes in people's viewpoints and understandings over time, as they gain new information, have new experiences, and come to new insights and realizations. If we can embrace these new experiences and see them as an opportunity, we would have a less catastrophic reaction to these changes.

The typewriter lady could have taken a few minutes a day to learn about the computer rather than wait for a day when her box drops a brand-new computer on her desk. We used libraries for research then google arrived. We started using the search engine on google for research and now chat GPT. Many people use Alexa, and Siri voice prompts which are also artificial intelligence voice prompts.

So, where do we go from here? Scared, no. We can use this as a research tool for learning and not cheating or plagiarism. What is essential in this conversation of ChatGPT is the erosion of the work of others who took the time in putting together the work in the first place. How are they referenced, how is their work protected, and whose intelligence is being used to make profits? 

“With change we learn to grow.”

A NEW STORY

Why do we write new year's resolutions? To analyze complex notions into simpler ones, to solve problems, to determine what is worthy of our pursuit, what to stay away from, and to narrow our focus. Most of us write resolutions to give us an opportunity to retell ourselves at the end of the year how much we have achieved so we don’t feel like a failure.

This is a story we have been told repeatedly. Set goals, set clear goals in life, the key to success is to have a clear goal written down and work towards it every day while this methodology has worked for many people it's vastly a root cause of unhappiness for those who do not achieve those goals and sometimes for those who achieve it. Because a goal is the end of the exertion of energy.

If you set a goal to lose weight, it is very achievable, but maintaining a healthy lifestyle requires more than a goal, it requires an objective. Example My goal to avoid burgers is different from setting an objective to eat healthily. Instead of avoiding burgers as your goal, you look for healthy options as your objective one is very strict and restrictive the other is very approachable.

Because when they do commercials, it is repeated until we ingrain it in our minds and thinking, I will do another example of goal and objective. For example, setting a goal to lose 3lbs a week versus an objective to dance three times a week, if you love dancing is better than saying you would lose 3lbs a week working out when you hate working out. Goals can be very restrictive and sometimes avoidants focus, rather than exciting and approachable.

Without goal setting you can’t build toward a future; you want a myth. You don’t achieve success accidentally for sure, but there is no goal to building a successful life because reaching a goal is the penalty you pay for setting one. There is an objective without limitation to build a successive life, and you can set goals to note when you get to a milestone.

An African proverb says, “You can only go as far as you can see.” So, it’s important to write down your vision or visualize your thinking. I want to be successful is not visual enough for your brain to make inroads. I say go further, ask yourself what success looks like, smells like, tastes like, where would you be when you are successful, who would be there with you, and how you want to feel about it.

Instead of writing a resolution, why not write a new story and give yourselves permission to break from the pattern you have considered to be your origin story?

Note: It’s easier at the beginning of the year to do this simple exercise. The most important part of creating a resolution is making it fun and knowing you at least have a sense of direction for where you are going in the New Year.

Subscribe to the Newsletter here, I would keep you updated on new iterations of things as they happen. Speaking inquiries, I am being represented by Harry Walker and Literary agent Daniel Lanzar from Writers House.

The Illusion of Continuity - The art of letting go

When I was fifteen years old, I told myself a single story of my future. I would get married to a woman and have children. It was a closed-door conversation about my future self. Unknown to me that the paradox of life and time makes it almost unpredictable to know what will happen to our future self.

It was only by looking backward I was able to connect the dots. When we look backward, we can see the enormous changes in who we have become, but when we look forward, we tend to imagine we never change from the person we are now.

We are conscious that things around us will change i.e., climate change, A. I and self-driving cars, but we don’t imagine ourselves changing. Our values and what we want in the future might be different.

A note: There is a probability that a few of us can know what we want in the future, but we don’t know the specifics of how it will turn out, and we won’t know how we will feel about it until we get there. 

On an ongoing basis, you are constantly becoming a new person.

When you meet someone today and promise to be with them till death. You're making a promise that a stranger has to keep because our future selves might not share our current perspectives, hopes, and dreams.

Therefore, I say; it’s only magical that you will be lucky enough to find someone, who will be ready to evolve with you through these different changes and stages of your life, and constantly love the new person you become at each stage of your life.

Looking back, we can contrast who we were and who we are now.

So, stop worrying about the future self you do not know of and focus on building a better version of yourself now, and your future self will be proud to look back and give them a nod.

Be present now, spend time in spaces you do not traditionally find yourself in, learn views, and experience cultures different from what you would traditionally be involved with because we want our future selves to minimize the feeling of regret.

End the year by letting go of regrets about your past that you can see now by looking backward, and look forward to building a brighter future your future self would be happy to meet.

Happy New Year! I hope to see you in 2023.

New Dawn: 5 topics to wrap up 2022 and begin 2023 with a new mindset.

Introduction:

Doubt comes when you care, real people doubt when they are unsure to take right or left. This is what I found most resonating in 2022, do not try to eliminate doubt but live with the anxiousness and excitement it brings.

1.    Democracy, Climate Change & Political strife

Optimism that next year (2023) will be better than the current year (2022) has fallen from 77% to 65% and is at a 10-year low. 45% of people believe that a major disaster will hit their city in 2023, fear of disaster happening is led heavily by climate events we experienced in recent years including a hotter planet that has led to drought in some places these are the result of data conducted by Ipsos.

The UN is predicting famine in some parts of Africa. The war in Ukraine by Russia has contributed to further grain shortages globally.

We saw the fast decline of individual brilliance and a slow build of the idea of communal knowledge, and the importance of the institution. Voters went out in the United States and restore democratic governance by splitting their tickets

2.    Diversity & Inclusion

The four largest cities (NYC, LA, Chicago, & Houston) are led by Black mayors! More importantly, take a minute and recognize the progress we made. More people of color moved into the position of governance, and the most recognizable was the Supreme court nomination and confirmation of Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson.

The Respect for Marriage Act, signed by President Biden, further increased the protection of LGBTQ inclusion in the United States.

3.    Future forecast

What is the value of memorizing anything when machines have become the support to our brain for storing information? In middle and high school, I didn’t have internet. I remember school then was meant to help me build a large memory and a collection of information I can process to make decisions.

Now, we gather data on almost every data point of our lives, google search, when we post on social media, how much we contribute monthly to social security checks, and if we have retirement savings or can afford a vacation. What if we could use those points to flag people struggling and support them before they fall through the crack to homelessness?

4.    What I learn in 2022

In 2022, I learned I don’t have to be expectational in every area of my life because setting an expectation to be good at everything I do makes normal not good enough. Statistically, there are more normal days in our life span than exceptional days. So, if I set my expectation to find only those sparkling moments, I will suffer more than I enjoy.

5.    My hope for 2023

I hope we prioritize community over individual brilliance. We lost more artists, entertainment, and sports figure to suicide in the last three years than any other time reported on artistry and suicide. More people are struggling due to isolation from pro-long Covid19, and all I mentioned at the beginning. How do we make it less alone for others in turn making our world friendlier, both in person and online?

With globalization, I hope we are less tribal (only agreeing with people that look like us, dress like us, and talk like us.), mixing with people who don’t look like us, and understanding how we can relate with others and work together. As an assignment, try to invite me to your community. I love meeting and speaking with new and old communities.

The lesson of 2022

The year 2022 began with me watching the time square ball drop in my living room and screaming happy new year. The new year presented the vision of a likely end to the global pandemic, but it hasn't lived up to that promise with continuous lingering fear and the development of new viruses.

            A few weeks into the new year, we were forced into a lockdown due to a new variant of covid, followed by the war in Ukraine forced by Russia, and we then inflation! Plans had to be changed; we prayed for Ukraine and donated to charities to support people fleeing their homes. 

            I learned something I would take with me going forward, and I decided to share it in an essay below. Enjoy, and I hope it resonates with you.

Together is better

Growing up in Warri, Nigeria, it was frowned upon for a young person to contribute meaningfully to the conversation. At that age, I felt I had so much to say from what I was learning in the books I read. In our culture, a respectful child remains silent while the elder discusses the issues at hand.

            I knew I wanted to use words to sway people and bring a smile to somebody else. In secondary school (middle school/high school in America), my peers regarded me as the tiebreaker when an argument arise. I studied almost anything I could find in my hand's history books, geography, geopolitics, and sport. I would go on to become a pastor and a social justice activist.

            In the past month, I have been in situations in the United States where I should have used my voice to have a powerful argument, but I decided not to, and in one instance, I didn't speak the truth about who I am to a stranger to avoid an argument. it seems growing has changed my view on when I use my voice. I yearn for more quiet time and an opportunity to contribute to a space that is welcoming of the ideas, I seek to present.

            On my way to Chicago to speak for a conference, I got to JFK earlier than expected. While waiting for a flight an older lady asked me if the suit, I was carrying was for a wedding, and I replied no, I am going to speak. I am already married and don’t plan on getting married twice. She continued the conversation and asked me about politics, which I tried to dodge but was unsuccessful, she read me the bible and finally asked me about my wife, and I said fine. I didn’t tell her I don’t have a wife.

I say to myself, I was just too tired of the topic switch and baiting me to express my opinion, but if I had the energy to say further when she asked me only about my suit, why didn’t I do the same about my husband?

            I believed I lied, and it hurts to think about the situation but discussing it with my friends after made me see the situation in a different light. I tried to play nice to a stranger. It's a burden on the marginalized group to explain themselves to a different group of people at every new event, and even in a space where they want to blend in. It becomes a shore sometimes to tell somebody who you are, and you choose silence in place of standing up.

Creating change must not be a task left-over for the people affected alone because together is better.

I have lived unapologetically for so long; I do not intend to start censuring myself at this age or stage of my life, but to effectively utilize my voice. I am painfully doing the work of accessing and planning how, where and when I use it going forward.

I knew I would be speaking the next day in Chicago to an auditorium full of people, and it was fine that I conserve my energy for the moment I stepped on the stage. This is the only way I could save myself from not arguing with her at the gate of the plane. I am focusing on making a greater impact and that is the transition I am experiencing, and I hope it helps you in a way examine areas in your life where you are transitioning. The ways you did things in the past might no longer be sustainable. So, you choose to take a different approach sometimes but remind yourself not to lose the core values that make you who you are.             

THE IDEOLOGICAL DIVIDE OF QATAR 2022 SOCCER WORLD CUP

The day of the draw to decide the 2022 host country. I sat in my office in New York glued to my phone screen on YouTube watching live. The host rolled the names like a lottery, and one was selected, the name for the host country was out of the bucket and the soccer federation host built tension before announcing. The following world cup host country for 2022, will be Qatar. 

Blanks, I turn off my phone speaker and allow the silence to ring loud in the room, while I sat in the quiet. I felt drained and saw my dreams being shattered like broken glass. I would not be able to see the games in Qatar for a variety of reasons. I do not believe I would be safe with my husband as a gay couple to hold hands and kiss in Qatar. 

There is no true freedom for one group except we choose to ignore others because we are safe enough to pass in the world. If that is true for you, I hope you can acknowledge this as a privilege.

“When we’re not hungry for justice it’s usually because we’re too full with privilege.” – Carlos A. Rodriguez

*

I fell in love with soccer because of the shared community and spirit it brought with it. In 96’ Nigerians of different stripes, tribes, and faith backgrounds bonded together with the hope of a country winning a sports competition.

I wasn’t considered a prolific soccer player and couldn’t dream of being one because I lacked the physicality needed at a young age to go toe to toe with defensive players neither could I fit as a striker because I lacked the magnetism of the forward players who dribble with the ball continuously.

When I realized I do not have a career as a soccer player, I perfected my dream of becoming a coach by learning the game as much as I can on the sideline. I would run around the sideline pointing to where players should kick the ball, I created an imagination of being a soccer coach because it’s hard for players to respect you if didn’t have the reps.

One day, in college my friends and I were discussing, and we decided to vote on who would have a career in sports. To my surprise all my friend chooses me for a different reason, they suggested I would be a good sports commentator because I have a good memory and knowledge of the sport.

Migrating to the United States as a displaced person, I have joined a cohort of men who knows the game and watch soccer consistently. Many of my gay friends including my husband seem to have a distant relationship with the sport and many other sports that involve heterosexual men with heavy masculine features.

Almost every Sunday morning, I wake with excitement and head to the soccer field to play with a group of men from different countries, it’s the closest thing to keeping my childhood love for soccer and reconnecting with the feeling of playing around in dirt soil with kids back home in Warri Nigeria. 

I have piped my dreams and hope one day if I had a child, I would coach their soccer team.

*

I have tried to diagnose why other gay men have this sort of disdain for soccer. At first, I taught it was not a popular sport in the U.S. because Americans try to break from Britain in all its parts, but one of my close friends said; is sexier to watch basketball because the men are hot, and their shorts can hold their butts tighter.

At this time of inflection living in the United States, it seems like there is a lot of hate and victim blaming between people of different political beliefs, religious backgrounds, and skin color. I taught the fact that the United States has qualified for the world cup in 2022 will unite us. The U.S. men’s soccer team failed to qualify for the 2018 competition, adding to the excitement of the United States hosting the 2026 World Cup games.

I was wrong for many reasons, the games are being hosted in Qatar a country that has been involved in a heap of human rights violations, but that aside I couldn’t even go to Qatar even if I want to because as a refugee, my travel document is not accepted for entrance. Isn’t that exclusion of refugees who are soccer players around the world?

Secondly, I don’t know if a “gay soccer fan can go to the world cup” and do the two things that attract people to a soccer game, having a beer with a friend and bonding over similar interests.

In the last two weeks of October 2022, the English Premier League has dedicated two weeks of support of LGBTQ people around the world with rainbow laces by all twenty-two players on the field, rainbow hand bands by the captains of the teams, rainbow pins on the jacket of the coaches, a statement to say to the soccer world. We stand with LGBTQ people and sports should be welcoming of all including my friends who are not as masculine as many would expect.

So, can fans come to Qatar with rainbow flags, and can captains of teams who want to show support for LGBTQ people wear rainbow hand bands? “FIFA and Qatar’s Supreme Committee, the two bodies responsible for organizing the 2022 World Cup, have said that “everybody's welcome” at the tournament, which begins Nov. 21. Yet the host country has not repealed or suspended laws that criminalize homosexuality. It regularly ranks among the most dangerous destinations for LGBTQ travelers.”

Qatar has issues with workers' warfare, it’s a Merage of violations of workers’ rights and other human rights abuses. Instead of the games bringing Americans and fans of the sport together, it has become an issue of political ideology and the division of who supports the U.S. or their countries team's participation at the Qatar world cup.

On the other hand, there is no country without blame, the United States has its own problems, but it’s an active democracy which tries to be fair in her practice of the ideology of free and fair representation of the people.

What lies ahead of the games, many people from the opposing angle have said; this is sport, politics, and sport should not mix. Soccer is more than just twenty-two men in a field running after a ball, it’s a religion for some people and they too should feel safe to be in the discussion.

Oh, stop it! Sport has been a political tool from time memorial and will not stop being a political tool, if it can be used by the rich and powerful, why shouldn’t the rest of us.

We continually advocate for a change in policies, we use sport as a tool to mend the broken world, and it’s a price to be paid by countries that choose to wear the badge of honor of hosting the world at her dinner table. To say not just all are welcome but the laws are welcoming for them too.

Our future is unknown

“Our past will always be a part of our present, but our future is unknown.” – Edafe Okporo

Goodbyes usually begin with a long-winded statement and at the end, “I am sorry, but I have to say goodbye.” I was hugging my mum goodbye in Accra. When she said to me, “I love you.” you don’t have to be somebody else to be loved. “Edafe the world will love you for you.”   

I held my tears as I watched her walk through the gate to enter her flight to Lagos from Accra international airport. I do not know when next I would see her because it took me seven years to see her.

I realized I have changed myself to survive in America. Six years ago, I arrived in the United States. Since then, I have never stop telling the same stories of me, I have shown you the strong side of me, why I fled and all the trauma I endured to arrive in America, but I failed to let my guard down for all of you to see how fragile I am. 

I want the Edafe Okporo, I have been working on privately to be seen by you and the rest of the world. I have avoided writing personal essays since I launched my memoir about my experience as a refugee, and I'm transitioning. This is not a goodbye but a temporary pause on activities that trigger the traumatic experience of fleeing my home to find a new home.

I have grown and I am more than the single-story people have written about me and I hope I can heal from the traumatic industry of telling people my deepest and most painful moments in return for an investment in the services we provide. I’m very proud to have founded Refuge America with the vision of “Strengthening America as a place of welcome for LGBTQ displaced people” and our work will continue with your support.

Updates:

I graduated with a master’s in human resource management from New York University and celebrated my graduation in May of 2022.

My book Asylum, A Memoir, and Manifesto was published by Simon and Schuster in June of 2022. This is the bulk of my activism going forward, I wrote a powerful manifesto that speaks on the issues I care about especially displaced LGBTQ people.

In July of 2022, I got married to my partner Nicholas now husband. It’s a dream come true, I never imagined getting married growing up in Warri Nigeria. The United States laws offered me the opportunity to be legally married to someone of the same sex.

In August 2022, I traveled to see my mother after seven years in Accra, we laughed and cried about good old times and spoke about the future.

What’s next:

Life isn’t about finding yourself; life is about creating yourself

xoxo